Worrying about worrying

My messy bed: A metaphor for my mind.

First step to de-stressing? Make the bed.

I’ve been struggling to come with a conclusive life lesson to write about in my blog, and my mind has been too preoccupied with applying to full-time jobs (and related confusion about what I want to do with my life). But I would like to articulate some inconclusive thoughts that have been bouncing around in my head these past few weeks.

For me, the hardest part about looking for jobs is not the application process itself, even though it’s tedious and too easy to procrastinate. The hardest part is feeling perpetually worried. I’m worried that the job I get won’t be one I’ll like. That it will be in a location that I don’t like. That I’ll continue to be far away from my boyfriend and the distance will strain our relationship. That I won’t be able to get a job at all, much less one in a bad location with bad work far away from people I love.

Sometimes I have moments where I stop worrying and remind myself that I can always work in a coffee shop for a month or two after my internship is over while applying to more jobs, and spend that time focusing on myself and what I want from my profession — but then I worry that I’m not being vigilant enough in applying for jobs now, and besides, what if I can’t even get a job at a coffee shop?

As you might imagine, many days I just end up like:

Courtesy of .he Internet

— Ron Burgundy

The thing is, I’ve had amazing experiences in the field so far. I’ve worked in so many niches of journalism that my possible paths are as delightfully plentiful as they are overwhelming. I’ve worked with wonderful people around the country. Shouldn’t I view my future with optimism? Why isn’t that easier to do?

A mentor once told me that this is a really exciting time in my life, and I just don’t see it. And it’s true — too often, I don’t. But I’m trying really hard.

 

NPR internship in review

I’m keeping a running list of the stories I’ve written for NPR.org so far. Feel free to check them out and suggest story ideas.

  1. What’s A ‘Glitch,’ Anyway? A Brief Linguistic History, Oct. 24
  2. Online Dating Is On The Rise (But There Are Still Haters), Oct. 21
  3. Brooks Brothers Steakhouse: How’s That For Tasteful Shopping?, Oct. 15
  4. An Innovation For Pain Relief That’s Worthy Of Some Buzz, Oct. 9
  5. Solved: The Minds Behind The ‘NSA’ Billboard Reveal Themselves, Oct. 8
  6. Whoosh: Pneumatic Tubes Give The Tooth Fairy A Boost, Oct. 2
  7. Some Are Benefiting From The Government Shutdown, Oct. 2
  8. Space’s Wild: 5 Cool Happenings Along The Final Frontier, Sept. 30
  9. This Law Wants To Save Teens’ Reputations, But Probably Won’t, Sept. 27
  10. Ancient Jewish Tradition Meets Contemporary Design, Sept. 25
  11. Weekly Innovation: Pampering Your Pooch From Afar, Sept. 25
  12. The Promises And Pitfalls Of Social Media — For Police, Sept. 22
  13. Why Spying On Our Kids To Solve Cyberbullying Might Not Work, Sept. 17

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